Four Married Guys

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following

conversation took place:

First Guy: You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out

golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every

room in the house next weekend.

Second Guy: That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build

her a new deck for the pool.

Third Guy: Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I

will remodel the kitchen for her.

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has

not said a word. So they ask him, You haven’t said anything about what

you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?

Fourth Guy: I just set my alarm for 5:30a.m., When it goes off, I shut

off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say, ‘Golf Course or Intercourse?’

So she says, Wear your sweater.

Source : Funny Jokes

Going to California

There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says “If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day”

Taken from : Funny Blonde Jokes

Going to California

There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says “If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day”

Funny Pictures

Four Married Guys

Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following

conversation took place:

First Guy: You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out

golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every

room in the house next weekend.

Second Guy: That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build

her a new deck for the pool.

Third Guy: Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I

will remodel the kitchen for her.

They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has

not said a word. So they ask him, You haven’t said anything about what

you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?

Fourth Guy: I just set my alarm for 5:30a.m., When it goes off, I shut

off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say, ‘Golf Course or Intercourse?’

So she says, Wear your sweater.

Funny Junk

Lawyer Dies

A Lawyer dies and goes to heaven. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter. “Hello mate” says St. Peter, “I’m sorry, no Lawyers in heaven.” “What?” exclaims the man, astonished. “You heard, no Lawyers.”

“But, but, but, I’ve been a good man”, replies the Lawyer. “Oh really”, says St. Peter. “What have you done, then ?” “Well” said the guy, “Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 dollars to the starving children in Africa”.

“Oh” says St.Peter. “anything else?” “Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 dollars to the homeless.” “Hmmm. Anything else?” “Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 dollars to the Albanian orphans.”

“Okay”, said St. Peter, “You wait here a minute while I have a word with the boss.” Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.

He looks the bloke in the eye and says, “I’ve had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here’s your thirty dollars back, now f**k off”

Taken from : Funny Pictures

Things In Football

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.

19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.

18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.

17. It’s a game of inches.

16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.

15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.

14. He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.

13. He found his tight end.

12. End around.

11. He had to stretch to get it in.

10. He gets penetration in the backfield.

9. He blows them off (at the line).

8. He bangs it in.

7. He could go all the way.

6. He gets it off just in time.

5. He goes deep.

4. He found a hole and slid through it.

3. He pounds it in.

2. He beats them off (the line)

1. He’s got great hands.

Taken from : Funny Junk

Unfaithful Wives

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.

His first friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.”

His second friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.”

Paddy says: “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.” Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.

“No, I’m serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”

Funny Pictures