Irish Sayings and Quotes

No man is an Ireland.

In dreams begins responsibility.

Irish Nobel Prize-winning poet

If the whole human race lay in one grave, the
epitaph on its headstone might well be: `It seemed
a good idea at the time.'

You've got to do your own growing, no matter how
tall your grandfather was.

Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? You
don't want to press your luck.

May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow, and may trouble avoid you wherever you go.

As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction!

You never miss the water till the well has run dry.

Half a loaf of bread is better than no bread at all.

Remember even if you loose all, keep your good name; for if you loose that you are worthless.

Saint Patrick was a gentleman...Who through
strategy and stealth...Drove all the snakes from
Ireland...Here's a drinkee to his health! But not
too many drinkees...Lest we lose ourselves and
then...Forget the good Saint Patrick...And see
them snakes again!

GOD KEEP MY JEWEL THIS DAY FROM DANGER
From tinker and pooka and black-hearted stranger
From harm of the water and hurt of the fire
From the horns of the cows going home to the byre
From teasing the ass when he's tied to the manger
From stones that would bruise and from thorns of the briar
From evil red berries that waken desire
From hunting the gander and vexing the goat
From depths o' seawater by Danny's old boat
From cut and from tumble --- from sickness and weeping
MAY GOD have my jewel this day in his keeping.

THE FIDDLER OF DOONEY
When I play on my fiddle in Dooney,
Folk dance like a wave of the sea;
My cousin is priest in Kilvarnet,
My brother in Moharubuiee.

I passed my brother and cousin,
They read in their books of prayer;
I read in my book of songs
I bought at the Sligo fair.

When we come at the end of time,
To Peter sitting in state,
He will smile on the three old spirits,
But call me first through the gate.

For the good are always the merry,
Save by an evil chance,
And the merry love the fiddle
And the merry love to dance...

Source : Funny Irish Quotes and Sayings

Top 10 Things Only Women Understand

10) Cats’ facial expressions.
9) The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8) Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.
7) "Fat" , clothes.
6) Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5) The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell.
4) Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3) Eyelash curlers.
2) The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
1) Other women.

Taken from : Funny Jokes

Chemistry Pick Up Lines

You are an acid and i am like litmus, everytime i meet you i turn bright red.

You’re so attractive, i cannot help but form hydrogen bonds with you.

My love for you is as strong as a covalent lattice .

Let’s get married and live a life like monosaccharides-sweet and simple.

If only you and i could form a redox cell, the potential between us would be mighty high .

You make me hotter than sulfur hydroxide mixed with ethyl acetate.

Why the electronegativity?

You must be a good benzene ring, because you are pleasantly aromatic.

I have mass. You have mass. We’re naturally attracted!

Our chemical reactions give way to interesting products.

Could you tell me the oxidation state of this atom and your phone number?

If I could make any compound, I would make uranium iodide, so I could put U and I together!

My favorite element is uranium, because I love U!

My name? Bond. Covalent Bond!

I’m a conjugate acid, you’re a conjugate base .Let’s hook up and create conjugate pairs.

Hey there girl, it appears to me that you are one of the major sources that increases the entropy .

of the universe. You see, you are hot and the heat you are releasing is making our universe more disordered.

Do you wanna join functional groups with me, and let me release a water molecule?

Is that a open valency or are you just happy to see me?

Are you uranium? cos you’re the bomb.

Hey, are you an alpha carbon, because you look susceptible to backside attack!

My favorite mechanism is backside attack. And you?

Let me show you my schlenk line

Your lab or mine?

What does it take to get over YOUR activation barrier?

I feel a bond between us!

Do you want to extract some protein from my column?

Baby are you an electron because you charge me up!

Honey, were like a galvanic cell, theres obviously electricty flowing between us.

You know, I’ve got one hell of a mass-charge ratio.

I have recently discovered a very rare element called Beautium. I looks like you are made of it.

Mind helping me with my experiment?

My favourite attractive force is van del Waals’ force. Can you feel it? I’ll sit closer if you can’t.

I’d really like to titrate with you.

Taken from : Pick Up Lines

Dating Dictionary

DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of

money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with

a person whom you don’t especially like in the present

and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals

of a man.

EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to

communicate to a man that she is interested in him.

Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty

looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily

due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that

a woman’s eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance

who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her

totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE: A woman’s feeling towards a man, which

is interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get.”

IRRITATING HABIT: What the endearing little qualities

that initially attract two people to each other turn

into after a few months together.

NYMPHOMANIAC: A man’s term for a woman who wants to

do it more often than he does.

SOBER: A condition in which it is almost impossible

to fall in love.

ATTRACTION: The act of associating horniness with a

particular person.

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT: What occurs when two extremely horny,

but not entirely choosy people meet.

LAW OF RELATIVITY: How attractive a given person appears

to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive

your date is.

Taken from : Valentines Day

Cool Quotes

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain

I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
- George Carlin

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
- Robin Williams

A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
- George Eliot

I am short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
- Woody Allen

Sex was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
- Woody Allen

We need an energy bill that encourages consumption.
- George Bush

A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
- Burt Bacharach

No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
- Harry S. Truman

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
- Mark Twain

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns

I am an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
- Gabor


Taken from : Quotes and Sayings

Childhood Friends

As childhood friends, we grew up together,
Swearing to be friends forever and ever.
Sometimes we would argue and fight,
Other times we would laugh and stay up all night.

We went from playing with games and toys,
To talking and dreaming about different boys.
My thoughts and feelings, to you I would confide,
Never having anything to hide.

Friends we do remain,
Things changing, and things staying the same.
To each other we still listen and share,
About each other, we will always care.

by Mindy Carpenter

Taken from : Funny Friendship Poems

Going to California

There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says “If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day”

Taken from : Funny Blonde Jokes