May 13, 2008
Mar 19, 2008
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Kuch Kuch Hota Hai |
Exam paas aaye, sir mera dukhaye
Teacher ne na jaaane kyun, dande dikhaye,
Ab to mera sir, jaage na sota hai,
Kya karoon haye, kuch kuch hota hai….
Source : Funny Shayari
Mar 18, 2008
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Four Married Guys |
Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following
conversation took place:
First Guy: You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out
golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every
room in the house next weekend.
Second Guy: That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build
her a new deck for the pool.
Third Guy: Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I
will remodel the kitchen for her.
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has
not said a word. So they ask him, You haven’t said anything about what
you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?
Fourth Guy: I just set my alarm for 5:30a.m., When it goes off, I shut
off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say, ‘Golf Course or Intercourse?’
So she says, Wear your sweater.
Source : Funny Jokes
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Irish Sayings and Quotes |
No man is an Ireland.
In dreams begins responsibility.
Irish Nobel Prize-winning poet
If the whole human race lay in one grave, the
epitaph on its headstone might well be: `It seemed
a good idea at the time.'
You've got to do your own growing, no matter how
tall your grandfather was.
Why should you never iron a 4-leaf clover? You
don't want to press your luck.
May your blessings outnumber the shamrocks that grow, and may trouble avoid you wherever you go.
As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction!
You never miss the water till the well has run dry.
Half a loaf of bread is better than no bread at all.
Remember even if you loose all, keep your good name; for if you loose that you are worthless.
Saint Patrick was a gentleman...Who through
strategy and stealth...Drove all the snakes from
Ireland...Here's a drinkee to his health! But not
too many drinkees...Lest we lose ourselves and
then...Forget the good Saint Patrick...And see
them snakes again!
GOD KEEP MY JEWEL THIS DAY FROM DANGER
From tinker and pooka and black-hearted stranger
From harm of the water and hurt of the fire
From the horns of the cows going home to the byre
From teasing the ass when he's tied to the manger
From stones that would bruise and from thorns of the briar
From evil red berries that waken desire
From hunting the gander and vexing the goat
From depths o' seawater by Danny's old boat
From cut and from tumble --- from sickness and weeping
MAY GOD have my jewel this day in his keeping.
THE FIDDLER OF DOONEY
When I play on my fiddle in Dooney,
Folk dance like a wave of the sea;
My cousin is priest in Kilvarnet,
My brother in Moharubuiee.
I passed my brother and cousin,
They read in their books of prayer;
I read in my book of songs
I bought at the Sligo fair.
When we come at the end of time,
To Peter sitting in state,
He will smile on the three old spirits,
But call me first through the gate.
For the good are always the merry,
Save by an evil chance,
And the merry love the fiddle
And the merry love to dance...
Source : Funny Irish Quotes and Sayings
Mar 15, 2008
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Top 10 Things Only Women Understand |
10) Cats’ facial expressions.
9) The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8) Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.
7) "Fat" , clothes.
6) Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5) The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell.
4) Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3) Eyelash curlers.
2) The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
1) Other women.
Taken from : Funny Jokes
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Chemistry Pick Up Lines |
You are an acid and i am like litmus, everytime i meet you i turn bright red.
You’re so attractive, i cannot help but form hydrogen bonds with you.
My love for you is as strong as a covalent lattice .
Let’s get married and live a life like monosaccharides-sweet and simple.
If only you and i could form a redox cell, the potential between us would be mighty high .
You make me hotter than sulfur hydroxide mixed with ethyl acetate.
Why the electronegativity?
You must be a good benzene ring, because you are pleasantly aromatic.
I have mass. You have mass. We’re naturally attracted!
Our chemical reactions give way to interesting products.
Could you tell me the oxidation state of this atom and your phone number?
If I could make any compound, I would make uranium iodide, so I could put U and I together!
My favorite element is uranium, because I love U!
My name? Bond. Covalent Bond!
I’m a conjugate acid, you’re a conjugate base .Let’s hook up and create conjugate pairs.
Hey there girl, it appears to me that you are one of the major sources that increases the entropy .
of the universe. You see, you are hot and the heat you are releasing is making our universe more disordered.
Do you wanna join functional groups with me, and let me release a water molecule?
Is that a open valency or are you just happy to see me?
Are you uranium? cos you’re the bomb.
Hey, are you an alpha carbon, because you look susceptible to backside attack!
My favorite mechanism is backside attack. And you?
Let me show you my schlenk line
Your lab or mine?
What does it take to get over YOUR activation barrier?
I feel a bond between us!
Do you want to extract some protein from my column?
Baby are you an electron because you charge me up!
Honey, were like a galvanic cell, theres obviously electricty flowing between us.
You know, I’ve got one hell of a mass-charge ratio.
I have recently discovered a very rare element called Beautium. I looks like you are made of it.
Mind helping me with my experiment?
My favourite attractive force is van del Waals’ force. Can you feel it? I’ll sit closer if you can’t.
I’d really like to titrate with you.
Taken from : Pick Up Lines
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Dating Dictionary |
DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of
money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with
a person whom you don’t especially like in the present
and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals
of a man.
EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to
communicate to a man that she is interested in him.
Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty
looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily
due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that
a woman’s eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance
who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her
totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE: A woman’s feeling towards a man, which
is interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get.”
IRRITATING HABIT: What the endearing little qualities
that initially attract two people to each other turn
into after a few months together.
NYMPHOMANIAC: A man’s term for a woman who wants to
do it more often than he does.
SOBER: A condition in which it is almost impossible
to fall in love.
ATTRACTION: The act of associating horniness with a
particular person.
LOVE AT 1st SIGHT: What occurs when two extremely horny,
but not entirely choosy people meet.
LAW OF RELATIVITY: How attractive a given person appears
to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive
your date is.
Taken from : Valentines Day
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Cool Quotes |
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
- George Carlin
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
- Robin Williams
A difference of tastes in jokes is a great strain on the affections.
- George Eliot
I am short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
- Woody Allen
Sex was the most fun I ever had without laughing.
- Woody Allen
We need an energy bill that encourages consumption.
- George Bush
A synonym is a word you use when you can’t spell the word you first thought of.
- Burt Bacharach
No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
If you can’t convince them, confuse them.
- Harry S. Truman
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.
- Mark Twain
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns
I am an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
- Gabor
Taken from : Quotes and Sayings
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Childhood Friends |
As childhood friends, we grew up together,
Swearing to be friends forever and ever.
Sometimes we would argue and fight,
Other times we would laugh and stay up all night.
We went from playing with games and toys,
To talking and dreaming about different boys.
My thoughts and feelings, to you I would confide,
Never having anything to hide.
Friends we do remain,
Things changing, and things staying the same.
To each other we still listen and share,
About each other, we will always care.
by Mindy Carpenter
Taken from : Funny Friendship Poems
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Going to California |
There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says “If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day”
Taken from : Funny Blonde Jokes
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Going to California |
There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says “If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day”
Funny Pictures
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Funny Irish Sayings and Quotes |
Huge collection of Funny Irish Quotes and Sayings
Being Irish is very much a part of who I am. I take it everywhere with me.
He who is not strong must needs be cunning.
If you are lucky enough to be Irish, then you are lucky enough.
May you both live as long as you want, And never want as long as you live.
What's the use of being Irish if the world doesn't break your heart ?
Bless your little Irish heart and every other Irish part.
A man is often a bad adviser to himself and a good adviser to another.
As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction.
May the blessings of each day be the blessings you need most.
Beauty suffers no pain.
The Irish ignore anything they can't drink or punch.
When anyone asks me about the Irish character, I say look at the trees. Maimed, stark and misshapen, but ferociously tenacious.
You never miss the water till the well has run dry.
The longest road out is the shortest road home.
Remember even if you loose all, keep your good name; for if you loose that you are worthless.
The Irish are very fair people, they never speak well for one another.
Good laugh and long sleep are the best cures in a doctor's book.
May you get all your wishes but one so you always have something to strive for.
Wherever you go and whatever you do, May the luck of the Irish be there with you.
Distant hills look green.
He is bad that will not take advice, but he is a thousand times worse that takes every advice.
A rainy day isn't a day for the children.
Only Irish coffee provides all main essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and fat.
May the Lord keep you in his hand and never close his fist too tight.
taken from : Funny Irish Quotes and Sayings
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Nike A little Less Conversation |
This funny commercial of NIKE is one of the best. In this football players compete among themselves and show off their Nike shoes. Elvis Preisley’s , “A little less conversation” provides great background music. So if you are a football fan then u must check out this cool commercial. You will be highly thrilled.
Taken from : Funny Commercials
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Chandni raat thi |
Chandni raat thi, main so rahi thi
Phir kisi ne darwaza khutkhataya
Maine soncha mera dil aaya
Darwaza khol ker dekha to bijli ka bill aaaya ..
Taken from : Shayari
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ITALIA |
ITALIA! thou art fallen, though with sheen
Of battle-spears thy clamorous armies stride
From the north Alps to the Sicilian tide!
Ay! fallen, though the nations hail thee Queen
Because rich gold in every town is seen,
And on thy sapphire lake in tossing pride
Of wind-filled vans thy myriad galleys ride
Beneath one flag of red and white and green.
O Fair and Strong! O Strong and Fair in vain!
Look southward where Rome’s desecrated town
Lies mourning for her God-anointed King!
Look heaven-ward! shall God allow this thing?
Nay! but some flame-girt Raphael shall come down,
And smite the Spoiler with the sword of pain.
By Oscar Wilde
Taken from : Funny Poems
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Love Messages |
My sweetheart, All I want to say for you this day is that I’ll always love you. You’re my soul mate. Your kisses are better than everything. You fill me up with love. I want to be with you forever and ever! stay in my heart and I’ll always love you.
Kisses and hugs .
After so many years of life’s loving you and the tragedies we have shared, I LOVE YOU. I hope to give you reasons to live for tomorrow and forever, I LOVE YOU. This is for the phone calls we make every day and night just to say, I LOVE YOU.On this day we exchange candy and flowers but I would like to exchange I LOVE YOU’S FOREVER. You are my Valentine every day not just on the 14th of the second month of each year.
Roses are red, violets are purple & honey is sweet.
You are nice, cute, handsome and a kind person to chat on always. Hope you like this. Wish you a nice and Happy Valentines Day. I’ll only think about you on this special occasion of love.
You don’t know how you make me feel each time I see you online or offline. I wait for only you all day. You are always in my mind and heart. I feel your presence with me though we are too far away from each other. We came so close to each other in such a short time, I truly think we must have known each other in another lifetime. You have shared your soul to me & I have shared mine with you. While writing this I have so much emotions inside me that I feel like crying because I miss you so much. I feel so happy and complete even in our silences. I feel I am connected to you through my soul. Your caring attitude,thoughtfulness & sweet personality has captured my heart and for that I am so grateful to you. All I know is wherever life takes us I hope you’ll always know how much I thank GODfor bringing you into my life.
Hugz forever
When I need friend, you are here with me.
When I need help, you are here with me.
When I need someone who care, you are here with me.
When I need someone who love, you are here with me.
When I need someone who’s special, you are here with me.
I miss you so much..
I love you so much..
I ask God for a rose n he gave me flowers;
I ask God for water n he gave me an ocean;
I ask God for an angel n he gave me the best luv ever!
3 - 2 = one heart praying 4 you
1 + 1= two eyes looking for you
3+2= five senses missing you.
4+3= seven days in a week i desire you.
7+5= 12months asking god to bless you
Wen things go wrong…
Wen sadness fills ur heart…
wen tears flow in ur eyes…
always remember 3 things
1) I’m with u…
2) Still with u…
3) Will ALWAYS b with u…
If Your asking if I Need U the answer is 4Ever..
If Your askin if I’ll Leave U the answer is Never..
If Your askin what I value the Answer is U..
if Your askin if I love U the answer is I do.
When i look at you,
I cannot deny there is God,
because only God could have created some one
as wonderful n beautiful as you.
Happy Valentines Day!
Or should I say talentines again, I don’t know!! I just want you to know that you make me feel like it’s Valentines Day 365 days a year. The presents are just for fun. Past 3 years have been great. I hope we have many more to come. I want you to always be my Valentine, today and forever. I love you more than anything.
I love you, 100 times.
I miss you 2,000 times .
I want to be with you always and forever!!
I love you 1 in a million times of each day.
I want to make you mine.
I love you for you and only.
I mean every word!
I think about you more and more every 24hrs and 7days a week.
My heart bleeds for you .
My tears fall for you cause I’m lonely.
Many times I think of the day that you say those 4 words .
In the days that you are away it’s how many times I say I LOVE YOU AND TRULY WANT U.
I miss you even 365 days of the year.
Sweetie just know that I really, truly & madly love you.
COME HOME SOON.
Love
Wish you a very Happy Valentine’s Day. This message is to let you know that you are thought of always. May God give you everything you wish for. My heart will pray for you, for your happiness wherever you are.
Happy Valentine’s Day!!
You are the only one person I want to be with for rest of my life. You are the love of my life. I’ll be yours 4ever.I Luv you.
Each day your smile becomes my morning star,
I look at you & then my feelings shine,
From you I learn far more than words or numbers,
You’re the book that someday will be mine.
You’re the one whose love my love of learning,
Will one day trace in its ancestral line,
For all the ways you help me grow towards beauty,
I ask you please to by my valentine.
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY-2008
I am opening an emotional bank account for u sweetheart, so deposit your love in it and you will get the interest.
You are the world to me. U make my life totally complete. They say that absence from those whom we love is worse than death, but I feel that in absence we realize how strong our love is. I feel so complete with you and as you have always told me that ‘if our love is true, God will surely show us the way’. I love you with every beat of my heart. Happy Valentines Day!!!
My heart for you will never break. My smile for you will never fade. My love for you will never end. I love you!
If I could die early I would ask God if I could be your guardian angel, so I could wrap my wings around you and embrace you whenever you feel alone.
Roses are red, Violets are blue
Sugar is sweet and so are you!
But the roses have wilted and the Violets are dead.
The sugar bowl is empty and so is your head!
LOL. I love you.
Whenever I miss You, Stars fall down from the sky.
So any day if you find the sky empty, don’t blame me!
It’s all your fault; You made me miss you so much!
Don’t wait until it’s too late to tell someone how much you love, how much you care. Because when they’re gone, no matter how loud you shout and cry, they won’t hear you anymore.
Love isn’t a decision, it’s a feeling. If we could decide whom to love, then, life would be much simpler, but then less magical.
I wanna let you know that I love you from the bottom of my heart. You are the best thing ever happened in my life. No matter what happens in future. I’ll always be with you. Luv you madly.
Your sweetheart.
Valentines Day
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Funny Insulting Quotes |
A gentleman is one who never hurts anyone’s feelings unintentionally.
- Oscar Wilde
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde
It was a book to kill time for those who like it better dead.
- Rose Macaulay
May your ears turn into arseholes and shit on your shoulders.
- Anonymous
Too slow to keep worms in a tin.
- Anonymous
I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you’re twenty minutes.
- Oscar Wilde
The way to procure insults is to submit to them: a man meets with no more respect than he exacts.
- William Hazlitt
A slander is like a hornet; if you can’t kill it dead the first time, better not strike at it.
- H.W. Shaw
I am a poor man, but I would gladly give ten shillings to find out who sent me the insulting Christmas card I received this morning.
– George Grossmith
Debating against him is no fun, say something insulting and he looks at you like a whipped dog.
– Harold Wilson
Never insult anyone by accident.
- Robert A. Heinlein
May your arse cheeks turn into bicycle wheels and backpedal up your arse!
- Anonymous
She has the answer to everything and the solution to nothing.
- Oscar Levant
Insults should be written in sand, compliments should be carved in stone.
- Arab Proverb
Humans only use about 1/10 of their brain power. With you, it could be less.
- Anonymous
I can’t believe that out of 10,000 sperm, you were the quickest.
- Steven Pearl
I’ve had a wonderful evening - but this wasn’t it.
- Groucho Marx
It was a book to kill time for those who like it better dead.
- Rose Macaulay
Funny Junk
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Four Married Guys |
Four married guys go golfing. During the 4th hole the following
conversation took place:
First Guy: You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out
golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every
room in the house next weekend.
Second Guy: That’s nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build
her a new deck for the pool.
Third Guy: Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I
will remodel the kitchen for her.
They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has
not said a word. So they ask him, You haven’t said anything about what
you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What’s the deal?
Fourth Guy: I just set my alarm for 5:30a.m., When it goes off, I shut
off my alarm, give the wife a budge and say, ‘Golf Course or Intercourse?’
So she says, Wear your sweater.
Funny Junk
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Lawyer Dies |
A Lawyer dies and goes to heaven. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter. “Hello mate” says St. Peter, “I’m sorry, no Lawyers in heaven.” “What?” exclaims the man, astonished. “You heard, no Lawyers.”
“But, but, but, I’ve been a good man”, replies the Lawyer. “Oh really”, says St. Peter. “What have you done, then ?” “Well” said the guy, “Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 dollars to the starving children in Africa”.
“Oh” says St.Peter. “anything else?” “Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 dollars to the homeless.” “Hmmm. Anything else?” “Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 dollars to the Albanian orphans.”
“Okay”, said St. Peter, “You wait here a minute while I have a word with the boss.” Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns.
He looks the bloke in the eye and says, “I’ve had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here’s your thirty dollars back, now f**k off”
Taken from : Funny Pictures
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Things In Football |
20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He’s off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It’s a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He’s gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
8. He bangs it in.
7. He could go all the way.
6. He gets it off just in time.
5. He goes deep.
4. He found a hole and slid through it.
3. He pounds it in.
2. He beats them off (the line)
1. He’s got great hands.
Taken from : Funny Junk
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Unfaithful Wives |
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar.
His first friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.”
His second friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.”
Paddy says: “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.” Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief.
“No, I’m serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”
Funny Pictures
